Place: Demons lair
Character: Zelg
Weapon: Microphone
Theme: Rap battle
IT WAS A SNOWY DAY AND WE
(ME AND MARTHA)
SET OUT ON A MAJESTIC JOURNEY TO THE MOUNTAINS.
FLYING THROUGH THE AIR~~~
WE REACHED THE MOUNTAIN AND I DECIDED I WANTED TO CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN
LIKE A BADAAS MOFO
SO I DID.
AND ME MARTHA DECIDED WE WERE GONNA GO SEPERATE WAYS
SO SHE WENT ON ONE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN, AND I WAS ON THE OTHER.
BUT.
SUDDENLY
BEFORE I KNEW IT.
I WAS BEING SUCKED INTO THE MOUNTAIN, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CANDY MOUNTAIN! A PLACE OF JOY!
BUT NO.
I WAS SUCKED INTO A PLACE FILLED WITH THESE DEMONS.
WHO SUDDENLY ATTACKED ME
AND OF COURSE BEING PREPARED I GRABBED MY MICROPHONE AND FLICKED THE SWITCH AND IT BECAME A LIGHT SABER, AND SLOWLY I STARTED KILLING THE DEMONS.
THEN, I SAW A BOY.
HE LOOKED QUITE ATTRACTIVE
HE PLEADED FOR HELP SO I CAME AND KILLED THE DEMONS SURROUNDING HIM AND WE RAN AND HID.
I ASKED HIM
" DUDE HOW THE FLUBBER DID YOU GET IN HERE YO?"
HE REPLIED
" I WAS CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN TO ASK THE DEMON FOR HELP."
I LOOKED AT HIM IN CONFUSION AS HE PULLED OUT A WICKED SMILE AND PICKED ME UP AND TOOK ME TO THE DEMON LEADER.
ZELG..
HE PLACED ME DOWN IN FROUNT OF ZELG AND I ASKED HIM WHY HE WAS GETTING HELP.
ZELG WAS INFORMED BY A LOWER DEMON THAT THEY HAD CAUGHT A UNICORN .
HE THEN TOLD THEM TO BRING IT TO HIM FOR EXECUTION.
I SCREAMED
'' NO LET MARTHA GO!''
BEING CHEEZY ME,
AND HE REPLIED, FINE LETS HAVE A RAP BATTLE. IF YOU WIN, YOU GET TO KEEP MARTHA ALIVE, AND IN THE MEANTIME, ILL TELL YU WHY.
(i found zelg raps online and deicided to challenge myself to write against it so its sorta like an actual rap battle.)
Me- FINE, YOU GO FIRST, ILL INHIALATE YOU LATER.
ZELG * CHUCKLE*
Redirect your eyes and I apologize I’m gonna tell you a story
When I get to the details about entrails it might get a little gory
I saw something bout a week ago it was really gross I’ve been feeling forlorn
Cuz I saw a grown male get impaled by a mothahfuckin unicorn
First let me get on the level they were made by the GOD and I tell you that evil by the Master
And they’re cute to boot so freak and run when you see one cuz they’re gonna reek Disaster
Don’t try to pet em or feed em cuz you’re palms start bleeding indeed that’s called stigmata
And they smell it, slim, i said its candy to them (okay?) and you’re the piñata
I’m came to comprehend it, I was drinking with a descendant of the ancient druids
Mixin drops of schnapps lager and water with all kinds of mystic fluids
And he said “hey man” right in the middle of our drinking binge
“You know my grandfather 83 was one of the ones that built Stone Henge?”
I said “no” and he said “yeah – that is wizard nobility”
“And there’s a treasure passed down which is now my responsibility”
“I’d like to show you something and it is kind a secret,”
“But before we go to see promise me that you can keep it.”
I said “Man, I hope I ain’t gonna end up dead in a mothahfuckin car trunk”
“taken advantage of and forced to forbidden love cuz I was really fucking drunk”
and he said “no, man, I got a plan, stan, I’m really being serious…
what’s more once you see what we I got in store for you you’re gonna be delirious”
So we set out in the darkest hours, there were scattered showers
And we persisted up a bitch of twisted mountains roads for hours
It was 3 in the morning feeling uneasy and queasy it wasn’t gonna yield
Right before I passed out we stopped in the middle of a field
We got out I thought I would freeze it was 40 degrees not to mention the tress
Surrounding us looking ominous reaching up like they were begging please
And I wanted to scoot saw him take a flute and he blew but there no sound
I looked down to frown looked up was astounded they all around
Unicorns, white horses with the single horn but they had blood red eyes
Leering at us, sneering at us I felt a fear in my inner thighs
And my friend said “uh oh fuck we’re outta luck it didn’t work.”
“We got about 10 seconds I reckon before they go beserk.”
So we ran and they chased us snapping their jaws wanting to taste us.
Was this my fate? They wanted us on a plate ever since they faced us.
I ran as fast as I can what can I say made it back to car.
I yelled for my friend but this was the end he didn’t make it as far.
And I watched in horror as they pierced his gut, pierced his throat and chest.
Blood shooting out like a geyser as they ripped his flesh.
But he reached out let out a shout while they ate him alive
“Don’t go for help, save yourself!” and that’s how I survived.
So I made a vow to everyone its not so fun I won’t stop til I’m done,
Ridding the world of every unicorn boy and girl with my sword and my gun.
Cuz now they’re loose to seduce you into traps with their magical beauty
I’ll destroy them all until I fall and that’s the story of my duty.
ME-
Oh i see it now, how you playing with the ground.
up in the sky the big guy, shining down , ill be on my way now, see,
Unicorns no more, thats what your shits about
you got, candy horns here, and thier hearts all about.
you testing me, all in my face, a pest to me, only working half the time and tripling the ryme.
you see now? protecting the beauty, majestic, over all domestic unicorn fanatic.
thats me, what you are dont mean to me.
and now as well i gotta deal with all you fake shit, you never change.
ah hah look at me go you just running away, like some big douche on the go.
pack your shit, its adios, i never wanna see your busted ass round here, no more
you wanna beat me, thats a dangerous fantacy,
let you take a look at me high in the ranking, keep looking at my feel cause my shoes are JS
If you gonna try and beat me, unicorn is callin me'
always protecting what i need to protect like a lady
but im flippin and freaking it like i got no manners.
ready or not, here i come,
your in frount of me, dont heasatate, instead please avoid me,
im more quick witted than you think
cause im mimi the one and only baddest female.
* comes though with a flying kick to his face and swings my light saber microphone through him. *
dont speed up,dont tell me boring stories, cause i know your filled with shit,
the image of you smiling, makes me sick, now your gone~.
I GET UP AND RETRACT THE SABER, DEMAND MARTHA TO BE BROUGHT BACK
WE REUNITE AND LEAVE THE LAYER IN PEACE, HEADING BACK TO OUR HOME CAUSE WE HAD ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY .
I WAS GREETED MY THE LITTLE PUPPY AS I CAME HOME AND WE SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY EATING POKEY AND TELLING FUNNY STORIES.
THE END...?
well that was that, im not sure how i feel about this..
basically the guy was a demon and said the unicorns were killing him and friends for no reason, and so decided he would kill all the unicorns. when really hes a demon and he sees everything as if its against him.
and then my rap starts with me defending the unicorn and telling his he is just lying to me. cause he was. and that i would be the winner. and then i say how sick he is after i defeated him....
yeah.
umm...
yeah.
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